Archive for January, 2007

She says: "Are you Rich?" He says: "Are you Bendy?"

This is the best example I’ve witnessed of seriously keeping it real:

Don’t tell but there’s something out there for you incredibly attractive broke students, actors, and wannabes. It’s free, easy money. Not a loan, not even something you have to apply for. In fact, all you need to be is willing to be a part of a mutually beneficial arrangement.

See that guy to the right? He says

“I love beautiful young ladies, and I am not ready to commit. This website is the perfect dating website for me.” – Sugar Daddy

You read right, my good friend Ash and I were just browsing the internet just playfully looking at the date ads on c-list when this came up.

The college sophomore to your left says guys her age are waaay too immature..and besides Sugar Daddy’s have the brains and the dough!

Oh and don’t worry, this place has options for everyone: Sugar Mommy’s, Sugar Daddy’s, and Sugar Babies male and female.

So go on down and find the easiest solution to your marital, financial, and physical woes. It works for everyone!

January 30, 2007 at 3:48 am 1 comment

Rain Drops are Crashing on My Head

That damn old adage is true – when it rains it sho does pour. For some inexplicable reason my timing regarding dating, sex, matters of the heart, and all that jazz has no gray area. There is either absolutely nothing when I think about my vagina perhaps forgetting what sex is and how I truly know homosexuality is not a choice because nothing’s worse than being horny as hell and still not going for that hot chick you’re always a tad curious about. And that’s how it was when I started here in September. I was trying it out with the boy in DC, but come on, I could barely make it work with a boy in the same zip code so that was in the crapper from the get-go.

Well now it’s January and it feels like overnight I’ve gone from one extreme to the other. And I ain’t complainin! I guess my whole issue about hating everything half-ass has come to bite me in the bum. Because it’s either a drought like no other or a full-flooded testosterone medley.

So here is the thing, like most folks, I think I want some glorious romance that leads to marriage and baby carriage but then when the remotest of opportunity comes, I hesitate. And I’ve got a lot going on admittedly and don’t even know what kind of relationship I could even really muster. Then again, a girl’s got needs and I love to love:

There’s the Scientist: had a crush on him when I met him only to find out he had a girlfriend…a girlfriend i met with him on his way from church. so the crush went away (sort of) and we were just good classmates. but – in such a My-So-Called-Life kind of way – turns out he’s got a bit of crush on me himself. time goes by, we hang out, girlfriend is no longer girlfriend, and before I can blink he’s feeding me chocolate and calling me purty.

There’s the “Let’s be Real Here” Sous-Chef: not much history to report, met him on New Years Eve at his restaurant. I was drunk off my ass, he was not. two days after he doesn’t call but he texts me hello. sidenote: is this a 2007 thing, we meet folks and instead of calling we just text? how does that work exactly? i think i have to agree with my wise 12-yr-old sister who, when I asked what i should do with his text, said to just stare at it.
Anyways, so we eventually do actually speak on the phone (mostly because I didn’t reply to his texts) and we go out. Of course what happens but that he’s not nearly as cute as I thought he was when I was engorged on vodka and champagne. But he’s cute enough. I still found myself laughing and enjoying myself…until he said that while he’s 29 he plans to “remain a baby all his life.” I had no idea what he was talking about. Then later I mentioned re-reading Invisible Man and he had no idea what I was talking about. Well that’s not entirely true – he thought I meant the movie “Invisible Man” with Chevy Chase. Albeit that’s a fairly entertaining film but I do prefer the Ellison classic. And oh it sucks to realize how pretentious you’ve become in moments like that! He also wore a jacket thatBlogger: Big Girl Panties – Edit Post “Rain Drops are Crashing on My Head” looked like it belonged on one of the cast members of “Friday Night Lights.”
So all in all there doesn’t look like much in the future with sous-chef but there’s definite casual fornication potential.

There’s the Best Friend/ArchEnemy: Some of you guys may already know the D. He’s my crazy friend aka old college ex I never actually slept with aka the guy who two-timed his college girlfriend with me aka the only friend who can make me laugh about some of the most painful shit in my life. We like to joke that our friendship is more like that of a brother and sister…only incestuous. Like I said, we’ve never been physical post-college and that was damn near 4 years ago. But we are close, probably too close, and I am not good at keeping the lines strict, everything is blurred to me. So I will admit there have been some feelings for him in the past. BUT – and this could be a whole other post – he is not a relationship guy, he’s not even a date guy; in fact, i like to tease him that he’s dead inside. He hopes to die by 50 and doesn’t want anything remotely close to a relationship because he hates the idea of being responsible to anyone but himself. The same goes for why he doesn’t want children.
Of course, my bleeding heart ass took all this with a grain of “but maybe…” salt and kept the idea open that he’d one day come around. But that only goes so far and the worst thing to do is hope someone is different from who they really are. So I stopped hoping and started moving on. He is who he is and I am who I am..and I ain’t no fool. And as you will see in a moment, of course the moment I move on is the moment he thinks “O wait, maybe I’m not dead inside” and comes at me with some bullshit. And I say “bullshit” because as seen below his timing to come around is quite quite suspect….

Because then there’s the Good Friend You Never Thought Of in That Way: This is the guy you kind of unintentionally took for granted. The guy who you met in a totally random way. The guy who’s a little NOT your type (or what you assume to be your type) so you don’t even look at him in that way. And the guy who is always incredibly sweet and kind and understanding and funny for no other good reason then that’s just who he is. And if you interject that no, he has a penis so everything he was doing was for some elaborate plan, well then this GFYNTOITW sure is patient.
Because after about 3 years and both of our respective very long-term relationships ending and after we both end up in the same city based on decisions made by other people, we have gone from that long-distance friend thing to the “hmmm” thing. And by “hmmm” I mean “Hmmm, this is interesting, I’m having fun with you in that way.” Maybe I’ve just been fucked over one too many times, maybe I just don’t believe much in the inherent goodness of people. But here’s just a few things he’s done as a friend:
In fact, it’s just one thing. The side effect of my weekly treatments is very bad, BAD, back pain. GFYNTOITW came over the night I had my shot and proceeded to rub my back all night long until he just couldn’t anymore.
Well you know what, if that was a part of his elaborate 3-year penis plan, then so be it…aaaand it worked.
Yes, yes, at this point I have bedded one of the fellas and since a lady never tells and since GFYNTOITW is 100% likely to read this I can’t go too much into detail over the bedding…But suffice it to say I’ve had to change my top 3…do with that what you will 😉

All that’s said to say at the end of the day, I’m shitty at multi-tasking and once I start on one path I tend to just go with it. So, since it’s pretty obvious what path I’m going on, there’s all kinds of new oddities for me here because I’ve never actually done the deed with someone I can actually call a good friend. So post-deed I do the female thing of attempting to translate everything the GFYNTOITW says to everything that men I sleep with say. You can imagine the problems that causes. We’ve kind of had the “now, what” convo but there’s no label; and i’d hate to lose him as a friend but there’s clearly no going back either soooo……What I am trying to do is “just enjoy it” and not to think too much but if anyone has some better advice on how to go with the GFYNTOITW, please feel free….

January 24, 2007 at 5:48 am 3 comments

Who’s There?

Actually it turns out I could ask for a whooole helluva lot more! I guess there’s no easy way to introduce it so wouldn’t you know I’m struggling to get into the groove of graduate school when I get diagnosed with a chronic illness.

That’ll be Multiple Sclerosis for a thousand please*. I’d been having some weakness in my hand, some balance issues, long story short, yada yada, MRI’s, spinal taps, blood tests, lots of requests to walk in a straight line, there are 18 lesions on my brain, one on my lower spine and survey says its remitting, relapsing MS. December 12, 2006, 11:30am – that’s when my neurologist called me with his diagnosis, 30 minutes before my first class which I still went to. In fact I still went to my classes that day, emailed the folks that I’d discuss it with them later (and wouldn’t you know my mother somehow still managed to mention my being a bad daughter who if I called enough would have been able to handle “this” better? I swear she is gunning for that Ultimate Jewish Mother award). It’s better if I just copy what I’ve written to myself ever since all of this (also I’m just being lazy and now I have a disease to excuse it):

Once I learned I had Multiple Sclerosis I didn’t feel much of anything. In fact, the doctor called me on a Tuesday morning and I still had classes so I went. I emailed my parents and told them I’d call them later. After classes I went to get a pair of jeans at The Gap. My dad comforted my ear off with consolation but I mostly tuned him out as I fingered sweaters and jeans. I finally said “Mhm, mhm, I know, yes, things will be fine, love you, too” and hung up. I wondered why I didn’t seem to care. I have MS for God’s sake, I’ve known all of 10 minutes and all I want to do is be left alone with my Gap and my cigs. Finally I had my items at the register and while waiting I daydreamed about maybe a bubble bath and wine in the evening. “Do you have another card, miss?” I looked up flabbergasted. I’d just made a huge payment on my AmEx, no way was it declined. But sure enough, the clerk tried it again and again I was humiliated. I left the store with $200 off of my bank account – for now I just had to buy the damn clothes lest I walk out of there empty-handed and embarrassed – and raced home to go online. After learning of my new reduced credit because of late payments I slammed the phone down as hard as a Razr flip phone allows. I whimpered some…then I just lost it. I threw the damned phone, I shoved my computer away (but not too hard, I hadn’t totally lost my mind), I cursed and pulled my hair. Everything seemed to fall apart. But I still wasn’t thinking about the MS, I was thinking about my credit, about money, about ever being able to buy a home. To me, this credit card mess was the end of the world. And to me, credit was now the end all/be all of my life. Of course, I know now why I flipped out. I understand that the credit thing was just one more final thing I’d lost control of after my own body. And because the knowledge of this disease was just too much to bear, I chose to focus on my credit score instead.

And that’s kind of how it was while I struggled to finish classes, get extensions, deal with insurance, pick a doctor I’d be dealing with the rest of my life, start treatments, deal with side effects, figure out what’s a side effect and what’s a possible new symptom, manage the side effects with more medication, manage the management, learn that theres an entire population of people who exist to help you do all of this and that there’s an entire population of people who exist to make it harder.

My family, my friends, my department have been nothing short of amazing. The only thing that perhaps amazes me more than how fortunate I am to have such support and access to care is the fact that if not for my being employed (remember as a doctoral student, I’m essentially an employee of Harvard) I would have no insurance and at this very moment would be walking the streets with an autoimmune neurological disease in need of immediate treatment. And our president says folks under thirty don’t need health insurance….well I’m 24, Dubya, what ya got on that, son?!

Of course, the best thing to do is laugh twice as much as I cry so that is what I intend to keep doing. Thus, below are a few Multiple Sclerosis highlights. Enjoy:

From dad:
“hi baby…just wanted to see how you’re doing.”
me: “…hey dad, im the same as I was when you called two hours ago.”
dad: “I know but just checking.”
long pause
me: “….I’ve still got MS.”
“..that’s not funny, Brown Baby.”
“..well, if you’re calling to check if it went away, it’s damn funny to me.”

me: “I’m just now realizing that I’m a person with a disability and that’s so weird to me.”
dad: “..shit, you’re a black woman in America, you’ve had a disability all your life!”

My father also thinks my being in NYC caused me to “get” the disease.

First thing to avoid when you have MS – stress: I love it: “You have MS, you may go blind or become paralyzed in two days or twenty years. Now Relaaaaaaaaaaax.”

And you never realize how insanely silly you sound when in awkward moments until you’re on the receiving end e.g. reactions from people who found out but aren’t so close to me:
after the obligatory furrowed brow and nod, “You know my cousin’s mother’s neighbor’s gardener’s sister’s husband’s parole officer thought he had MS…yeah but turned out to be a cold.” – I’m not making that up.

But my absolute favorite:
me: “I’m sorry I forgot that payment/letter/paper/phone call/message/number/item/library book/bill/birthday/holiday/gift/date/meeting/anything that involves my being at all responsible to you, but I have lesions on my brain. It’s MS.” followed by a long pause then by hmms and haws of guilty acquiescence.

For the Tyrone Biggums fans:
A possible side effect of my anti-fatigue medication is, wait for it, lazy eye, itchiness, and behaviors of addiction such as hyper-activity, cravings, and withdrawal.

And while I tend to be more on the agnostic side and not give a good goddamn what people do, there was a time following my diagnosis when if I heard one more person say he/she was praying for me, I thought I might politely demur with “Aw thanks, but I don’t think my divine leader of the dark world, Satan, would like that.” But it was and remains my wavering anger behind that and nothing more. And of course the alternative of no one giving a shit is much worse.

So I finally achieve one of my many goals in life that involve the better health of my brain and turns out my brain’s not doing so hot. Could have been worse right?…I tend to hate that line of thinking because even if it could have been worse, whatever has happened still sucks ass but I guess in this instance I’m going to have to run with it.

Part three is tomorrow….if not, you know what to blame.

*Actually that’d be $1700 please which is what a month’s supply for my treatment costs. Oh and my drug plan? $1875 a semester…yeah, figure it out, because I haven’t.

January 23, 2007 at 5:02 am 4 comments

Knock, Knock….

Well, well well hello there all. wouldn’t you know it’d take me until winter break to get back on here? and o how i’ve missed it. but every time i’d even think to blog, there was yet another paper, book, conference, meeting, book, class, paper, book, paper, book to attend to.

I came here all hot-headed, thinking nothing of going back to school, Harvard, Schmarvard, I got this, etc.

Folks, in the words of the great Jack McFarland: I bitchslapped the law and the law won.

School’s turned out to barely be half of the new life I have but more on that later. Now I could rant, I could bitch, I could do the whole “Oh my God, it’s so crazy, I’m so swamped. Cambridge/Boston is bull, Harvard is so up its own ass” et cetera……O lookie there, I just did do the rant.

So there you have it: Harvard does think its shit smells like roses. Cambridge is “quaint”, Boston has no sense of direction but honks at someone it thinks does…and it is racist. I am swamped and it has been crazy….

BUT there is absolutely nothing like waking up on your time and doing your work for yourself. All those books, all those papers, all those deadlines and intimidating tones from professors – they’re all for me. I’m getting paid (humbly of course) to do what I want, not what someone else wants. So yeah it’s cold and pricey and the undergrads on the Yahd seriously need to be kicked in the head*, but at the end of the day, I’m doing what I want..so what more could i possibly ask for?

*I kind of always thought it was a little overblown but alas no, 99% of kids who go to Harvard are ass-annoying and think they worked their hardest when they got their acceptance letters. Thus, when a good colleague of mine gave his students a pop quiz in economics he was only somewhat shocked when half the class protested the “pop”ness of the quiz and when one student threatened litigation….that saaaaaiid, I must give due to that lovely 1% I’ve had the pleasure of knowing via my Swahili course. They know who they are 🙂

January 23, 2007 at 1:44 am Leave a comment


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