Archive for February, 2006

Fuck Yo Couch N***A!

I’ve just come home from a press screening of Dave Chappelle‘s “Block Party” and I’m still rollin’. The movie is literally Dave running around Dayton, Ohio and Brooklyn, NY with a film crew talkin jive and getting pumped for the ultimate block party. It’s full of random scenes that we would normally dub “wtf crap” moments like Dave racing a little kid in the street or trying on pimp suits in a store but it’s also fucking brilliant! Not to mention the amazing performances of Talib Kwali, Kanye, The Fugees’ first fuckin’ appearance together, Big Daddy Kane, The Roots and one-of-a-kind, stop-your-heart acts by Jill Scott and Erykah Badu (there’s more but way too many list and you should go see it anyway!).

I left the theater with my love for self and black folk completely rejuvenated (not as if it needed to be but damn!). This ain’t your average “let’s make fun of white people” Chappelle skit, either. Chappelle and Co. spend much of the film talkin’ shit on white people; and while it’s still in jest, Chappelle’s interlude on what’s not heard on the radio with Dead Prez in the background saying how crackers in city hall should be killed is lengthy for a reason. Indeed, the film is still choc full of Chappelle’s classic shrieks and hilarious wisdom but the themes of race and especially the intimacy that is only found in the black communities of places such as BedStuy are strong enough to slightly alienate those of the caucasian persuasion. But, as always, Dave makes a point to note the “19 white people” he sees peppered into the party crowd and proceeds to look for a lone Mexican.

The soul of the film is community and it’s very warming. I found myself – as usual when seeing spectacular live performances – thinking how much I fucking love black men (Talib Kwali is fucking sexy as hell when he’s on stage), even Kanye’s crazy ass.

And it’s probably a very good thing I missed out on this shindig because I’m damn sure I would have been the block party groupie. “Every single one of the performers coulda got it!” my buddy and I kept admitting in the theater, Mos Def, Kanye, Common, Talib, anyone from the Roots. Hell, I say even Jill and Erykah just so I can check ’em off my groupie card.

Seriously, Dave Chappelle has again surprised me in his genius…

There are too many jokes, scenes and performances and they’re too good to give away, but here’s just a tidbit of one of his many musings: on the DC sniper, Chappelle always said he was black “because he took the weekends off.”…fucking brilliant.

February 24, 2006 at 4:23 am 2 comments

So What Was All That Money For Again?

“This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security of the United States of America,” Bush told reporters during a Cabinet meeting.

….but…but…but i thought that..errrr…

Every time I think Bush can’t shock me anymore, he does something new. He’s full of tricks that one!

February 23, 2006 at 4:19 pm Leave a comment

Where oh Where Have My Privileges Gone?

There’s this new show airing on FX called “Black/White.” Ice Cube sings the intro about two families, The Wurgles and The Sparks (there are just too many jokes to be made with either of the names i.e. is this a reality show or a morning cartoon following Teletubbies?), white and black who will don the makeup of the other race and see what it’s like to live as their counterparts.

I honestly in a rare moment am at a loss for how I feel about this. In many ways, the experience could be enlightening both for the players and the viewers. As we all know, when surrounded by sameness, certain things will be said and done that wouldn’t otherwise occur and I think both families will encounter hearing some pretty ugly things.

One thing I can say just from the previews, while the The Wurgles can definitely pass (especially the daughter, she somehow looks prettier black…well I guess that’s not a stretch, right?) can realistically pass, The Sparks look like something out of a 1980 freak movie! All three members, mom/dad/son, look like albinos who’ve come from a loooooong sunny vacation..with bad wigs. Especially the son, his eyebrows look pasted on. Hopefully the producers will keep them in the confines of white-town because there ain’t a black person on earth who’d mistake them for white. Not only that, a black person would publicly call The Sparks out for looking insane trying to pass. Frankly, I’m not even sure how much white people will buy this family’s authenticity. I’m no whitey but I’m sure there’s like some internal or tacit eye-action that goes on among whites to test for caucazoid-quality and, if so, The Sparks better run!

On the other hand, let’s hope that The Sparks will at least enjoy some nice shopping and driving experiences and that The Wurgles have some bail money stashed away.

February 23, 2006 at 3:29 pm 1 comment

And Then He Said, "Shit, Bitch…"

This is a little overdue but I’d be lying to y’all if I didn’t let on that my Valentine’s Day was actually pretty fuckin spectacular and not because I spent it drunk and alone cursing past loves. I mean I did that, too, but I wasn’t alone.

Well, awhile back I met a guy who sort of, not entirely because I won’t let him, swept me off my feet for that day or week or now or somesuch. For V-day, he did it with tulips (not roses, blah) and a teddy bear. And not any sappy teddy bear – the Shit Bitch bear! It was the perfect gift showing he was thoughtful, considerate, LISTENS to my crazy ass, and gets my sick sense of humor. Hell, if this had been a different time I might of even dropped the panties, but I’m trying not to slut it up as much this year…no worries, I’m not going into full nun mode 😉

We met up, he tried to take me to someplace where all you do is DIP food but considering the Hallmark holiday, it would have been too crowded so we went to a cozy intimate Thai spot where we got tipsy on sangria. I was worried all day that we’d have nothing to talk about – you know that weird fear you get of being boring – but we did! And he touched my leg under the table just so and I didn’t gasp nor did I drop the panties, good form!

The night went well and I went home alone to absorb and over-analyze it all as usual so all in all a good night.

But still it’s not like I’m losing my head over anything, I mean I’m leaving in 5 months…but that’s a whole other story.

February 23, 2006 at 5:11 am 3 comments

Driving While White, What Gives?

This week’s New York mag covers a most upsetting trend in police work – upper west siders being arrested for – gasp! – suspended licenses. One woman had to spend a night in a Harlem jail where women did crack in the corner and told her not to fuck with them, why I’m surprised she didn’t have a heart attack! She’s then quoted at the end of the piece griping, “To be treated this way for something like this – it’s shocking!”

Now, being pulled over and getting thrown in jail for hours because your license is suspended, and sometimes mistakenly so, is ridiculous, wrong and shouldn’t happen. My irritation at the article is these people’s outrage over shit that black people have had to deal with for eons and suffer much more dire consequences. And maybe, just maybe, if more white people put up a stink about the abuse of power that runs rampant in the police force, Park Avenue hoity toits wouldn’t be getting snatched up in central park for speeding on their scooters….and have to sit next to black women in Harlem who we can only assume were arrested for far worse offenses.

February 22, 2006 at 7:39 pm Leave a comment

With Luck Like This…

Hurricanes, Floods, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, The End of New Orleans, President Bush killing people, Dick Cheney shooting his friends, fuckin’ 60 degrees in February….I’m seriously starting to think the world is falling apart.

February 17, 2006 at 5:34 pm 2 comments

2005 Regret

I cant believe I shared my naked body with this man for a year….I think you can all figure out which one, but just in case, it’s the photoshopped whitey on the right.

February 17, 2006 at 4:12 pm 15 comments

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