I’ve Underestimated my Charm (Again)

…A friend/ fan recently asked me why I don’t blog anymore or less; and I replied I don’t blog because I’m in grad school and the only time I find myself with a rare moment of freedom the last thing I want to do is look at a computer screen.

Not to say I don’t love or miss blogging. I do, really. And at least once a day something happens or pops up that makes me want to race to the computer and blast to the world….

But it usually happens when I’m IN class (actually most of the time it happens I’m in class) or on the way to class or leaving class to go to the library or on the couch while watching “I Love New York 2” and there’s just no way in hell I’m tearing myself from that!

Nevertheless I realize that my last personal post was a bit down, a bit critical, a bit, well, typical of my love life; and I’d like to update at least that so people (exes) don’t think (call, email) I’m still down (crouched in a corner of my apartment bawling, not having seen daylight for months).

I am fine. Really. I whore-er- stocked up while in NYC over the summer and am now back in school, back in Siberi-er- Cambridge where a good day is one where I get more than 4 hours of sleep, eat more than 1 and a half meals, and have one conversation that doesn’t concern the myriad ways black people are fucked. Yes I’d like to date someone but by “like” I mean on occasion I’d like to laugh with someone who I’m attracted to, by “date” I probably mean grab coffee because that requires a maximum of 45 minutes since I would most likely have to put off work and by “someone” I mean a man whose breath is decent (you’d be surprised) and is kind, generous, fun, grounded, and interested despite his knowledge that he’s a diamond-in-the-ruff in 02138.

For whatever reason the above is hard to accomplish and I’m not the kind of person to mull it over, bitch about it (for too long), and make a negative self-judgement because I don’t have a friggin date. I’m not a snob, my shit stinks too, but fuck it: I go to Harvard, I get paid to go to Harvard, I love what I do to get paid to go to Harvard, and I’ve made great friends in the process. I see the light of day with them🙂

p.s. Black Kids is the best band ever!

October 25, 2007 at 8:31 pm Leave a comment

Steve Jobs Has a Small Penis

* You are chatting with Richard B, an Apple Expert

*

Hi, my name is Richard B. Welcome to Apple!
*

Richard B: How may I help you today?
*

You: Hi, Richard. I was wondering if i can i use my $100 iphone credit for itunes? Because there’s really nothing I want or need or can get for just $100 at Apple.

*

Richard B: For iTunes gift cards only in the Apple online store. Not gift certificates.
*

You: Um, yeah can i buy an itunes gift certificate with it?
*

Richard B: No. The new Shuffle is $79.
*

You: ….I don’t want a shuffle, I have an iPhone…that’s why I have the credit.
*
You: What a rip off. Steve Jobs can suck it.

*
Richard B: Thank you for visiting the Apple Store. We appreciate your business.

September 24, 2007 at 3:26 am Leave a comment

One of these breasteses is not like the other…

While window shopping on Broadway in Soho, I couldnt help but stop at this window display. Did they run out of normal mannequins and have to borrow one from Fredericks of Hollywood?

window-boobies.jpg

August 21, 2007 at 11:16 pm Leave a comment

What Happens When He’s Still a “Frog”?

(originally posted at Tramps)

Hi all, Brown Baby aka BIg Girl Panties here, finally. The posts have been so good I just haven’t wanted to bother putting my own %$^ up here.

Psyche!!…I’m just a lazy ass mofo. My story isn’t as lighthearted as some here so I apologize for bringing anyone down to our pathetic realities:

For a little over a month now I have been going out Boxer. He has a great smile, tall, dark, and handsome, makes me laugh, someone I enjoy so much that I break my cardinal rule. Yes, folks, I talk to him on the phone for more than 30 seconds. Anyone who knows me well knows I hate talking on the phone. I don’t know why, some 21st century form of ADHD. I’d rather you email and text me plans to meet up to gab rather than talk on the phone. I’d just always rather do something else. I only break that rule for lifelong friends and relatives, especially the elders. But Boxer has had me on the phone for over an hour – gasp – and laughing – gasp – and not wanting to get off the phone – GASP!

While we have fallen into the inevitable “your place or mine” movies and chicken get-up that occurs once a dating couple starts knockin’ boots, he still likes to go out and do fun things. His fun attitude towards life is one of his best qualities and his insightful nature and emotional maturity are astounding for a man (sorry).

So what could possibly be the problem? Here’s a guy who’s great in bed AND wants to be with me AND is great in bed? The problem is the same centuries-old bullshit: the double standard. If Boxer were a female and stripped at every nightclub in town and my name was HUMAN WITH PENIS getting my doctorate at an Ivy League, there’d be no problem. Because it’s ok for men to, ahem, “date down.” But when I, HUMAN TIED DOWN BY HER VAGINA, fall for an unknown pro-boxer who pays the rent by training NYC clientele, got his associates in dentistry from community college, who once ran with a very well-known still-thriving East Coast gang and only got out when his best friend was killed, who has tattoos all up and down his arms (ok, actually I find that incredibly sexy), and, sigh, a small diamond jewel on one of his canines in his gorgeous smile…it’s all kinds of bad.

I went to a small top ten-ranked private girls’ school, he was held back when he emigrated here from the West Indies because of his problems translating and reading. I grew up as the quintessential Washington, D.C. black middle class princess. Now black middle class is different than white middle class in some important ways but for the most part I grew up rarely wanting for anything save my mom’s sanity to return. Though D.C. was still Murder Capital when I was there, most of the violence I witnessed was on the news or heard of at the kitchen table. He grew up witnessing shootings on a weekly basis. Yet, all we have together is fun, we talk about his life, my life and there’s never any awkwardness. It all feels like one big learning experience and its core is a great emotional intimacy.

There’s all kinds of potential societal problems the both of us have acknowledged (my heart ached when he looked up at me once and said “do you really think you could be with an average joe like me?”).

Sometimes I think I haven’t felt this close to someone since my last significant relationship that was almost three years ago. So when all is said and done I’d be a damned fool to pass up any opportunity to be close to someone because of what others may think……
……still, I am not in college anymore. I am 25, he is 28 and we’d also be damned fools to think the gap between us isn’t real enough to ignore.

August 21, 2007 at 3:55 am 5 comments

It’s My Party!

IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY…

July 24, 2007 — A Mars-Neptune aspect on your birthday will boost your imagination and help you to find ways to channel your ideas in profitable directions. But it may also lead to jealousy from colleagues who do not possess your creative touch. Bring others into your plans if you can but make sure they know who is the boss! – NY Post

If it’s your birthday
Happy birthday, Leo! Your heart of gold and a willingness to help people in need shows that your interest in them is more than superficial. However, this year, there’s a need for focus and attention to be brought back to your own life. Many changes, particularly at a structural level, are being made throughout the year. Distractions can take you off on tangents, and that’s not advisable. – The Daily News

Leo July 23 – August 22
For Tuesday, July 24 -An ex is back on the scene, and you might feel your heart singing a familiar tune. Be careful — even if you feel more romantic about them than you ever did before, it could be hope or idealism that is guiding your feelings. Give yourself time to get used to them being back on the scene, and do not make any attempt to spend more time with them in a planned way. If you see them again, you see them again. Don’t try to steer this thing — it won’t go where you want it to. – The Washington Post

Your Birthday Today
You’ve often said that you’d trade everything in your life for another chance at happiness. Sadly, few have expressed interest in your complete collection of Doctor Who figurines thus far. Passion will enter your life this week, stop momentarily to regain its bearings, curse two to three times underneath its breath, and slowly inch its way back out the door. – The Onion

July 24, 2007 at 5:54 pm Leave a comment

“wax on/ wax off!” – it ain’t just for macchio

So as my esthetician rips the hair off any particular area i’ve chosen to angle or bald that week she does the usual “so how you doin’ with your current ex situation?”

–what does it mean that hours later, i still have a hard time singling out which fucking one?

June 23, 2007 at 5:44 am Leave a comment

Angelina’s Next Big Adoption!

blackface-post2.gif

so I had no clue blackface was making a comeback in the twenty-first century or that Angelina’s been hoping to evoke the ghost of Bert Williams. Jolie is playing Mariane Pearl in the upcoming “A Mighty Heart.” The film is based on a memoir by Pearl about the execution of her journalist husband at the hands of terrorists. Pearl is of Afro-Cuban and Dutch descent. She’s born, raised, lives in Pareeeeee, France. In France, et.al, she’s perhaps considered French, European, or mixed. Over here in these parts, bitch is black.

So that’s why yes I take issue with Angie’s lil-white ass portraying Pearl in the movie. This is a film that’s been long in the making. Initially Brad Pitt and his then wife Jennifer Aniston were going to produce the film, and Aniston was going to play Pearl! But then we all know what happened and Aniston gave up her rights to the production company and Pitt classily gave the part to Angie.

All I can say for Pearl’s lack of conflict with white women playing her is that she is not American and does not grasp the unfortunate lenses us Yanks wear regarding race and ethnicity. But Aniston, Pitt, and Jolie come from this side of the ocean and damn sure know what’s white and what ain’t.

Over here, when I walk into a room, I’m not someone who’s Afro-Irish-French-Greek, my ass is the black person in the room. And I’m ok with that, in fact, proud. I’m American and that’s how I was informed. Nobody gives a shit what fraction of what I am because we still have the one-drop rule going on underneath the radar.

But more important than my own personal kerfuffle, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle before I believe that Halle Berry (white mother, identifies as black because..well..duh), Vanessa Williams, Rosario Dawson (who publicly identifies as fractionary), or any other mixed-race American actresses weren’t available for this role. The story goes that Angie wanted the role, anyway: “Slap some cork on me and call me Bessie!”

So my question now is, “Who’s white ass can I pretend to be?”

June 15, 2007 at 7:41 pm 1 comment

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